Girl's dresses clean
by 1wolfie1
Summary: What would of happened between Susan and Teatime if Banjo hadn't been there to stop him from pulling girl's hair.


A/N I do not own any characters that are in this story, I only play with them. Some of the lines from the book have had to be changed slightly. Dew to the law.

"Do you think your going to get away with this?"

"Oh, dear. Do people really say that?" And suddenly Teatime was much closer. "I've got away with it. No more Hogfather. And thats only the start. We'll keep the teeth coming in, of corse. The possibilities are endless."

"They most certainly are not." Said Susan staring Teatime in his one good eye. "Your not getting away with this, I don't care what you think you may have already got away with but you are clearly mistaken."

Teatime started to laugh. He took a step backwards as if daring her to stop him from reaching the door behind him. When she didn't move he turned his back on her and strode towards it. Susan moved as fast as she could taking a step to the side and then moving up besides Teatime. Susan tapped him on the shoulder and, as he looked around, hit him as hard as she could across the face.

That was the plan, at least. He moved faster turning and caught her wrist in his hand. It was like striking an iron bar.

"Oh, no." He said. "I don't think so. This place gets into your head, doesn't it? It pokes around to find out how to deal with you. Well I'm in touch with my inner child"

He reached out with his other hand and grabbed her hair, pulling her head down.

Susan screamed.

"And its much more fun," He whispered.

Susan winced as his gripped tightened on her hair. Out of the corner of her eye around his feet she saw the grayness move again, bouncing off of him like wasps around a pot of jam, trying to find a way in.

"I think, I know you Teatime."

"Teh-ah-tim-eh" Interrupted Teatime automatically, gripping on her hair once again pulling her further down so that Susan's back was now curved. She had the feeling that, that was not an automatic response.

"Your the mad kid they're all scared of, right?" She continued; her scalp beginning to pulse with pain.

"Shut up!" Snapped Teatime.

"The giggling excitable one even bullies never touched because if they did he went insane and kicked and bit. The kid who didn't know the difference between chucking a stone at a cat and setting it on fire.' Susan's words were tumbling out faster as she began to gasp for breath under the excruciating pain coming from his hand twisted in her hair. "I bet no one wanted to play with you. Not the kid with no friends." She said watching his face. "Not the kind of little boy, who looks up dolls dresses."

"SHUT UP!" Roared Teatime. And then Susan was no longer standing; she felt herself hit something cold and hard, her head whipping backwards and smashing into it where Teatimes hand had just been.

It took her a minute to get her wits back and to figure out that what she was pressed against was in fact a wall made of children's teeth. She could no longer feel any ground beneath her feet but something that felt suspiciously like an arm was holding her halfway up a wall.

Susan blinked, Teatime stood glaring up at her.

"Next time I say to shut up Ms. Sto-Helit you would be very well to do so."

Susan laughed. She had found a way in, but looking up dolls dresses were pointless to a man Teatimes age. And nothing beyond looking up dolls dresses existed in a child's mind. Even though Susan was sure it had been her last few words that had triggered Teatimes outburst she knew that if she pushed the subject any further; it would pass over to a conversation only adults could understand, they would no longer be able to remain in the realm that a child's mind had created. She had to play it very carefully.

"Sounds like I hit a sour note Teatime, tell me did the little girl who's dolly that was want to play with you after you stole her doll? Or could even you tell that she already knew what you were. Kids know about a mind like yours even if they don't know the right words for it."

The pressure on her chest increased.

"I said I didn't look." Said Teatime still glaring at Susan.

"Your not a very good lier Teatime. And given the chance I'd bet you'd do it again; maybe even to a real girl this time."

"IDIDN'TIDIDN'TIDIDN'T!" Shouted Teatime.

Susan knew that she was walking on thin ice with the assassin but if she could only keep him distracted long enough for Death to do something.

"Yes you did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"You looked up girls dresses and you know it!" She felt like a clild in in the playground.

The pressure on her chest lightened, Teatime had looked away from her to the floor. Around his feet the grayness bounced around erratically; its confused she thought. The things Teatime must be thinking no child would be able to understand; it had no way in, not to an adult mind.

And that was it, a child that still believed in the tooth fairy would not be able to understand the fascination of looking up real girls dresses for any other propose then to see where they hid their trousers. But Teatime knew very well that they didn't wear trousers.

There was a loud sound like corse fabric ripping all around them and a crash as they hit a new non marble floor. Susan landed on her behind opining her eyes to just in time to see Teatime land on his. He looked around, his mismatched eyes falling on her.

"What did you do!"

"I didn't do anything. You did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Oh, I'm not getting into this again." Susan sighed getting up.

"Take me back!" Demanded Teatime doing the same.

"I most certainly will not! If your that desperate you can just go the way you first went."

She felt the blade before she saw the blur.

"Now if I have to I'm rather more then willing to do away with you politely; but as I'm sure you can see, you have put me in rather a tight spot. Witch I am unable to get out of without your . . . help. So if you would be so kind as just to send me back to the tooth fairy's castle and leave yourself here, I'll even be as kind to put my knife away."

Susan swallowed. Teatime was now so close that she could feel his breath on her cheek.

"I didn't bring us here, like I said, you did. You thought whatever you thought back there and the castle sent us away."

"I don't believe you."

"Well then let me explain it for you." Said Susan huffly. "You were thinking of looking up women's dresses, for other then innocent reasons. A child would not know why you would do such a thing. Sex dose not exist to a child, therefore you got us thrown out of a place that only a child's mind understood."

Teatime looked quite shocked.

"I was not thinking about procreating." He said.

"Sex."

"Don't be so corse, it dose not suit such an elegant lady." Elegant lady? Was that really- Oh wait, they were back in the real world and Susan's hair had managed to fix itself into its usual untamed bun making her look presentable. Susan decided she might just be able to use this in her favor.

Doing as she had read about in books with needy heroins who always got saved by some prince, she forced a blush trying to look shy.

"You . . . you think I'm and elegant lady Mr Teh-ah-tim-eh?"

"You . . . uhh" She felt the knife drop from her throat, saw Teatime try to backtrack in his mind. "You got my name right. "

"Well thank you, I don't get many compliments, seeing as who I am."

Teatime seemed to be able to look anywhere but at Susan.

"I really mean it, thank you." She laid a hand on his arm, pulling another leaf out of the heroin's book and tried her best to look coy.

"What I mean to say madam, is that no lady should talk in such a way."

"So, you don't think I'm an elegant lady?" Even though she knew it was only a game, Susan couldn't help but feel a little insulted.

"No, no. Thats not what I'm saying. You are. But-"

"But no you don't find me attractive in anyway."

"I didn't say that." Said Teatime finally looking at her again.

"So you do find me attractive?"

This seemed to be ether confusing him or agitating him, Susan couldn't tell. But for some reason, forgetting logic, she wanted the answer.

"Yes, fine. You are attractive . . . In a skinny way."

"Good. And I suppose if you wasn't completely insane, you would be too."

The words slipped out of her mouth before she had thought it through, it was only polite to compliment someone back if they complemented you. It was what you did in normal society, oh but not when you've demanded the answer from them. Bloody damn.

Teatime didn't respond, but a grin had appeared on his boyish features. It was then that Susan realized just how close they were; they hadn't moved since he put away the knife.

She could feel the heat from his body.

"You know when words such as these are exchanged between a man and a woman, it is seen that they should court." He said.

"Oh yes, because going to a show with the assassin that is trying to kill the Hogfather would do us both so good."

"Have you ever been courted before?"

"Have you?"

"No. So as I see it we have two options, we can find out if ether one of us are good at courting, or we could skip that part all together and move right to the next step." Teatime said, looking her up and down.

"We shall do neither of them things!" Said Susan, outraged to the point that her hair began to curl.

"You can't tell me that you've never wondered what it would be like, feel like. I've herd its ecstasy." Teatime took a small step forward, closing what little gap they had between them. His arm wrapped lightly around her waist in a touch that was too gentle for what she had seen from him. It stopped her from being able to back away even so.

"I hear things, at school. They say that once you've experienced it you'll never be able to live without it. I often lie in bed at night wondering what could possibly be so good that you can not live without. Air; water, food, they are a given but this is something that dose not come automatically. Or dose it?" He said his voice filled even in a whisper with a peculiarly dreadful sort of glee.

Susan reached for the sword on her belt, only to remember that it must of been left back at the tooth fairy's castle.

"I wouldn't know." She said glaring.

"You've never tried it ether then." Teatime said more happily then Susan was comfortable with. "We should, try it."

With that his mouth was suddenly on hers. What suprized Susan was that he seemed to know what he was doing.

Teatime pulled back, leaving Susan gasping for air.

"Well." He said. "That was . . . good."

Teatime leaned in again, but this time her brain seemed to be working.

"Don't you dare!"

He looked quizzled.

"You can't tell me you didn't like it, you made a noise. A nice noise."

"I most certainly did not!"

"Yes you did, and I wouldn't mind if I made you make it again." Susan held up a hand to stop him, but it only achieved to slip over his shoulder and allow her arm to curl around his neck.

Bugger it! She thought, Now it looks like I want this.

Again his mouth met hers.

Susan found herself falling to the floor; but not crashing into it, the hand around her waist stopped her from being hurt then laid her down gently. Teatime was above her, resting on his forearms; his blonde curls falling into his mismatched eyes and so close that they tickled her cheeks.

"Stop! We can't do this-" But again her mouth was taken over.

She shouldn't be doing this, thought Susan, and she damned well shouldn't be enjoying it this much! Not with a crazed assassin anyway, with a man that she would be happy to take home to meet her grandfather. Not that she would ever take a man home to meet her grandfather. But it felt good.

By now Teatime had gotten bored with her mouth and had started to trail kisses down her neck and, along her jawline. He only came to a stop when he was obstructed by her cloak. But that was quickly ripped from her shoulders.

Susan let out a small cry of protest that went unnoticed.

Teatime's hands started to travel up and down her sides.

His mouth had found its way to the top of her breasts

This is going to be so much fun! Thought Jonathan.

She lay there, an hour and an half later. Trying to gather her senses back up to their usual standard. She watched Teatime out of the corner of her eye; he had laid himself next to her, his eyes closed with a smile on his face.

He looks almost normal, thought Susan. If I didn't know what a crazed killer he was; I would court him.

As if reading her mind Teatime opened his eyes; meeting Susan with mismatched eyes. The black one looked dark blue in the light, while the white and yellow one with its pinprick of a pupil looked her up and down. Susan decided that she could get used to looking at those eyes.

"So . . . Did you like it? Can you live without it?" Said Teatime, his gaze coming back up to rest on her face.

"I liked it." Admitted Susan. "And I would like to do it again, one day."

"Why wait?"

"Because that shouldn't of happened between us!" She said sitting up and brushing her skirt back down. "But now that we've got that out of our systems and we know it will never, ever, happen again if you don't mind I would like to go and correct what you've done at the tooth fairy's castle."

By the time she had finished she had gathered her cloak, pinning it further down as not to show that she no longer wore her corset; of witch she chose to leave on the floor with her torn knickers. Teatime had also managed to put his shirt and waistcoat back on.

"So you lied, you can get back?"

"I thought I couldn't before but, now I've realized my grandfather's sword is still there. So technically yes, I can go back. But I am not taking you with me. You've done enough trouble as it is."

This time it was Susan who didn't give Teatime a chance to argue, closing her eyes and finding her way back to the sword.

But she was fast learning that things didn't seem to go as planed when Mr Teatime was around. Unless they were his plans.

The sound of corse fabric filled the air and her back was greeted by cold marble. Susan opened her eyes to find Teatime had tried to yank her back by her hair.

Damn.

Susan felt his grip lessen. There was a wet thump like a pice of steak hitting a slab and Teatime was sent sliding away from her, on his back.

"No pullin' girls' hair," Rumbled Banjo. "That's bad."

Teatime bounced up like an acrobat and steadied himself on the railing of the stairwell.

Then he drew the sword. Susan never ever saw him reach for it.

The blade was invisible in the bright light of the tower.

"It's true what the stories say, then." He said. "So thin you can't see it. I'm going to have so much fun with it." He waved it at them. "So light."

"You wouldn't dare use it. My grandfather will come after you," Susan said walking towards him.

She saw his eye twitch.

"He comes after everyone. But I'll be ready for him." Said Teatime.

"He's very single minded." Said Susan, closer now.

"Ah, a man after my own heart."

"Could be Mr Teatime."

"You said my name right before. Don't do that."

He brought the sword around. She didn't even have time to duck.

And she didn't even try to when swung the sword back again.

"It doesn't work here." She said as he stared at it in astonishment. "The blade doesn't exist here. There is no death here."

She slapped him across the face.

"Hi inner child." She said brightly. "I'm the inner babysitter."

She thrust out her arm, palm first, catching him on the chin. He lifted backwards over the rail.

He summersaulted. She didn't know how, and grabbed ahold of her arm.

Her feet came off the ground and she was over the rail. She caught it with her other hand.

Would he really be mad enough to kill the woman that was holding him? Even after the earlier events that conspired between them? Susan's question was answered very fast . . . She kicked down at him and hit him on the ear. Her sleeve tore.

For an instant he held onto nothing and then, still wearing the expression of someone trying to solve a complex problem, he fell away.

Susan heard him hit the pile of teeth, not bearing to look down after him.

A hand like a bunch of bananas pulled Susan back over the rail.

"We got in trouble for playin' with girls." Said Banjo. "No plain' with girls, no Pullin' dare' hair. Our mam said'

"Good, at least someone around here is a gentleman."

"Our mam-" Said Banjo trying to work things out. "Our mam was here, but she weren't our mam."

"You mum was here?"

"She took our Davey. Then she went away. Bust she weren't our mam, 'cos they buried our mam-"

"I tell out what Banjo." Said Susan. "I'll have a look for him, but I bet he's gone somewhere nice."

"Yeah."

"Can you do something for me Banjo?" The big man nodded. "Can you go downstairs and sweep all the teeth out of the circle for me? Can you do that Banjo?"

Banjo nodded.

"Good off you go then."

Susan watched him plod off, and then looked at the white doorway.

It clicked open.

For further information see Terry Pratchett's Hogfather. Its been nice writing for you, R+R please?


End file.
